I come here.

angerWhen I need to get something off of my chest this is where I turn to. It is so healthy for me to get my thoughts out and into the world. Instead of locking them up inside my head.

When I am mad. I literally can’t do anything extremely productive. My brain is cluttered with the thoughts pulsing throughout. I try to distract it with different stimuli so the pain doesn’t set in.

I could go into all the details into why I am feeling the way I do but I think it is always important in what you do in response to your feelings. I don’t believe we can control how we feel but I do believe we can control how we react to those feelings.  Continue reading

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Anxiety?

4-7-8-breathing-stop-anxietySuch a fun topic. The thought game. The panic game. I have this but this isn’t news. It just sucks when it gets really bad.

Your brain goes into over-drive and then you crash into depression. You can’t be both anxious and depressed at the same time but you can oscillate quite often. Your over-thinking leads into depression and vice versa.

I hate the symptoms of sweating. It just happens without me realizing it. Sometimes even when I don’t think I am anxious. The heart palpations. The closing of the chest. It is hard to breathe. Your mind is going a million miles a minute. Then sometimes you cry. This is more of a panic attack now. The feeling of complete uneasiness. You can’t move.  Continue reading

I can’t handle this much.

Yesterday at 6:20 pm my whole world changed again. It has happening so much lately. I hate it. I was at college and my dad came to drop off some stuff which is a regular thing. I thought it would be a normal exchange. That after I would go eat dinner, study, and do some other school stuff. I thought my day was already at its worst with dealing with internet problems, a terrible group presentation, and just usual life things.

Nope. Continue reading

Cynics are broken-hearted idealists?

largeWow. Okay. Let’s do this.

I have seen the world for what it truly is. All of the darkness and despair. And it hurts.

I looked up if INFP’s hate people because sometimes they anger me beyond any end. Let me explain the current situation.

I have a lot of people telling me that 2016 was a terrible year and they are glad it is over. Ready for 2016. BUT WHY?

Most can’t give a real answer or just brush over exterior events. They either don’t want to share with me why it truly sucked or let things that don’t affect them control them.  Continue reading

Sometimes we are broken. And numb.

tumblr_mhghpykotl1qh6s1no5_r1_250I am having one of those moments. The time that I just shut down, or maybe wake up. Everything that I have been suppressing comes to the surface and takes over my whole body. It is like my internal systems are just learning how to function again- going into overload. It radiates throughout my entire body and I usually end up crying. Anxiety with the numbness going away.

It happens about once every two weeks. But to think that I am not truly letting myself feel until then- means a lot. I like to hide that part of me from myself. Forget about it, or else I fear that I won’t be able to get on. That realization of how dark and cruel life really is. How much it hurts and is filled with pain. The irreplaceable kind that can’t be given back. It is just over in the blink of an eye.  Continue reading

Navigating Vulnerability

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Picture by: Robert Pittman

Vulnerability:

Last week in my English class we peer reviewed our descriptive essay. At the very end of our discussion we mentioned how we all need to be more vulnerable. To not just give the flat dreary details everyone has heard before. But to be personal and truthful about the topic we are discussing.

A lot of our descriptions and even narrative essays we have written in the past are on very personal things. This makes it hard to open up and share those details to someone else. A person in our group wrote about how her grandma died and she didn’t know how much to add without making it too personal and emotional. This was a very upsetting experience and she didn’t know if people would understand. Continue reading