This is my life.

depressed-girl-970x647Panic attack on Monday on and off for three hours. Getting a call from the doctor saying I have high calcium led me to google it and find that I could have parathyroidism. What a wonderful way to start off Geology class.

Life hurts. Life is pain. It isn’t all sunshine and roses. It may be fine now but it won’t be tomorrow. Another blood test. A possible disease. The what if’s circle in my head as I am freaking out in my chair not even able to write or pay attention.

I cry after my classes and try to feel it. I never let myself feel. I logically feel but never emotionally. I got the blood test done the next day and now for more waiting. That is all my life is- waiting. Patience is a virtue but it also kills people.  Continue reading

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Writing Songs

music-headphones-770x472I love music. Worship. Indie. Alternative. Singer-song writer. Country. Even some pop. Barely any rap.

It can transcend you. Change your mood. Or help you express your feelings. Writing songs have become so therapeutic for me.

I have been writing songs for a long time now but now I am writing them all in my journal and documenting their existence.  Continue reading

It has been a week.

And oh how it has been a week. It is always been A WEEK. So let us talk about things.

My friends have also been pretty amazing. But when are they not. I spend so much time with them and they are starting to get me so well. It is feels really great to be known.

businesswoman with a note-bookI have been working on a TV show idea for the past few weeks that I have had floating around in my mind for two years. Now I am finally starting to organize it and outline it.

I got a job at a Dude Ranch (that happened two weeks ago). That is really exciting but also scary. My first job and it is all summer out of state. I have been there before and know I will have fun but it is also so outside of my comfort zone. Continue reading

The Timeless Night

 

080I didn’t notice anything around me, however every once in a while I would notice a white house or the Talbert marshes. Things would flash into and out of focus. My mind was going a million miles an hour as I questioned with my dad the possibility of going to see NEEDTOBREATHE.

Next thing I know we are at the stoplight on Main Street, there is a multitude of people in shorts and tank tops trying to get from here to there. I noticed the crowded pier to my right and the urban beach front stores to my left. It is now or never. Do I go or not go? The light turned green; I made the split second decision. My dad flashed through the intersection and we were gone. Continue reading