This is my life.

depressed-girl-970x647Panic attack on Monday on and off for three hours. Getting a call from the doctor saying I have high calcium led me to google it and find that I could have parathyroidism. What a wonderful way to start off Geology class.

Life hurts. Life is pain. It isn’t all sunshine and roses. It may be fine now but it won’t be tomorrow. Another blood test. A possible disease. The what if’s circle in my head as I am freaking out in my chair not even able to write or pay attention.

I cry after my classes and try to feel it. I never let myself feel. I logically feel but never emotionally. I got the blood test done the next day and now for more waiting. That is all my life is- waiting. Patience is a virtue but it also kills people.  Continue reading

Anxiety?

4-7-8-breathing-stop-anxietySuch a fun topic. The thought game. The panic game. I have this but this isn’t news. It just sucks when it gets really bad.

Your brain goes into over-drive and then you crash into depression. You can’t be both anxious and depressed at the same time but you can oscillate quite often. Your over-thinking leads into depression and vice versa.

I hate the symptoms of sweating. It just happens without me realizing it. Sometimes even when I don’t think I am anxious. The heart palpations. The closing of the chest. It is hard to breathe. Your mind is going a million miles a minute. Then sometimes you cry. This is more of a panic attack now. The feeling of complete uneasiness. You can’t move.  Continue reading