I can’t handle this much.

Yesterday at 6:20 pm my whole world changed again. It has happening so much lately. I hate it. I was at college and my dad came to drop off some stuff which is a regular thing. I thought it would be a normal exchange. That after I would go eat dinner, study, and do some other school stuff. I thought my day was already at its worst with dealing with internet problems, a terrible group presentation, and just usual life things.

Nope. Continue reading

Advertisements

Sometimes we are broken. And numb.

tumblr_mhghpykotl1qh6s1no5_r1_250I am having one of those moments. The time that I just shut down, or maybe wake up. Everything that I have been suppressing comes to the surface and takes over my whole body. It is like my internal systems are just learning how to function again- going into overload. It radiates throughout my entire body and I usually end up crying. Anxiety with the numbness going away.

It happens about once every two weeks. But to think that I am not truly letting myself feel until then- means a lot. I like to hide that part of me from myself. Forget about it, or else I fear that I won’t be able to get on. That realization of how dark and cruel life really is. How much it hurts and is filled with pain. The irreplaceable kind that can’t be given back. It is just over in the blink of an eye.  Continue reading