I come here.

angerWhen I need to get something off of my chest this is where I turn to. It is so healthy for me to get my thoughts out and into the world. Instead of locking them up inside my head.

When I am mad. I literally can’t do anything extremely productive. My brain is cluttered with the thoughts pulsing throughout. I try to distract it with different stimuli so the pain doesn’t set in.

I could go into all the details into why I am feeling the way I do but I think it is always important in what you do in response to your feelings. I don’t believe we can control how we feel but I do believe we can control how we react to those feelings.  Continue reading

This is my life.

depressed-girl-970x647Panic attack on Monday on and off for three hours. Getting a call from the doctor saying I have high calcium led me to google it and find that I could have parathyroidism. What a wonderful way to start off Geology class.

Life hurts. Life is pain. It isn’t all sunshine and roses. It may be fine now but it won’t be tomorrow. Another blood test. A possible disease. The what if’s circle in my head as I am freaking out in my chair not even able to write or pay attention.

I cry after my classes and try to feel it. I never let myself feel. I logically feel but never emotionally. I got the blood test done the next day and now for more waiting. That is all my life is- waiting. Patience is a virtue but it also kills people.  Continue reading

Anxiety?

4-7-8-breathing-stop-anxietySuch a fun topic. The thought game. The panic game. I have this but this isn’t news. It just sucks when it gets really bad.

Your brain goes into over-drive and then you crash into depression. You can’t be both anxious and depressed at the same time but you can oscillate quite often. Your over-thinking leads into depression and vice versa.

I hate the symptoms of sweating. It just happens without me realizing it. Sometimes even when I don’t think I am anxious. The heart palpations. The closing of the chest. It is hard to breathe. Your mind is going a million miles a minute. Then sometimes you cry. This is more of a panic attack now. The feeling of complete uneasiness. You can’t move.  Continue reading