Do you ever feel used after a conversation?

But not by the other person but by you. Like you used yourself.

tumblr_m1j0uhvkb71qd0q92o1_250You shared too much. Word vomiting. Afterwards you don’t really know what happened. You have this weird physical reaction in your whole body. It physically takes over but you can’t explain it. You try to remember why you said the things you said. Wishing you had clarified things or left things out.

I have had this feeling so many times when talking to people. It is like what just happened? Why did I bear my soul so much or share my personal ideas or opinions on things. Was it just because I was trying to fill the space and so I just kept saying the first thing that came to my mind?  Continue reading

Advertisements

It has been a week.

And oh how it has been a week. It is always been A WEEK. So let us talk about things.

My friends have also been pretty amazing. But when are they not. I spend so much time with them and they are starting to get me so well. It is feels really great to be known.

businesswoman with a note-bookI have been working on a TV show idea for the past few weeks that I have had floating around in my mind for two years. Now I am finally starting to organize it and outline it.

I got a job at a Dude Ranch (that happened two weeks ago). That is really exciting but also scary. My first job and it is all summer out of state. I have been there before and know I will have fun but it is also so outside of my comfort zone. Continue reading

I haven’t blogged in almost a month

201401010131580667Why haven’t I blogged? Honestly it is because I have been doing other things. Whether that is going on adventures, editing videos, or writing outlines for my TV show/book ideas.

I just haven’t found the inspiration because I was so inspired by other things. I am a terrible multi-tasker. I will however have five projects or more unfinished at a time. But you better believe that if I am working on that one thing it is the only thing I am working on. At least for that period of time. Continue reading

Cynics are broken-hearted idealists?

largeWow. Okay. Let’s do this.

I have seen the world for what it truly is. All of the darkness and despair. And it hurts.

I looked up if INFP’s hate people because sometimes they anger me beyond any end. Let me explain the current situation.

I have a lot of people telling me that 2016 was a terrible year and they are glad it is over. Ready for 2016. BUT WHY?

Most can’t give a real answer or just brush over exterior events. They either don’t want to share with me why it truly sucked or let things that don’t affect them control them.  Continue reading

Sometimes we are broken. And numb.

tumblr_mhghpykotl1qh6s1no5_r1_250I am having one of those moments. The time that I just shut down, or maybe wake up. Everything that I have been suppressing comes to the surface and takes over my whole body. It is like my internal systems are just learning how to function again- going into overload. It radiates throughout my entire body and I usually end up crying. Anxiety with the numbness going away.

It happens about once every two weeks. But to think that I am not truly letting myself feel until then- means a lot. I like to hide that part of me from myself. Forget about it, or else I fear that I won’t be able to get on. That realization of how dark and cruel life really is. How much it hurts and is filled with pain. The irreplaceable kind that can’t be given back. It is just over in the blink of an eye.  Continue reading

My Coffee Addiction.

carleneI used to hate coffee. Despise it actually. I hated the smell and taste. Until that one day.

Sophomore year of high school I finally start with iced coffee at Starbucks. Once a week only when I really needed it. Turned into Junior year getting my own Keurig machine meaning coffee whenever I wanted. To Senior year having it everyday of the school week.

Now I am in college and sometimes have multiple coups a day. I get headaches some days that I don’t have coffee aka every Wednesday. I love the taste of course. I love the coffee surging through my brains. I love holding that white cup in my hand. I love the warm hot latte sliding down my throat. I love the trendiness of it all.

But most of all I love that it wakes me up. I am envious of the people who don’t need it. Although I feel a part of this very huge club. Don’t like tea at all so I am a one drink woman. I get the same thing every time. Never having to size up to a venti yet. But sometimes I get two- venti and grande. vegan-latte-starbucks

SO many side affects from it though. The pee. The sweat. The gitters. The mouth. I basically turn into coffee. It probably isn’t good for my health but that is up for debate. I’ve burned my mouth too many times. Spilled every where a lot. Not had enough time to wait in line. Clinging to each gift card like my life depends on it.

I don’t get the fancy drinks because I’m not fake like that. I need coffee and coffee needs me. I try to be as basic as possible.

My coffee addiction has definitely not been the worst out there but I guarantee I am worse than the normal person.

Impactful Art

4184077716_4217a29a08_oI listened to a radio conversation the other day called The Art of Noticing and Then Creating by Seth Godin. At first I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to waste my time listening to something that could possibly make me think on a deeper level. But when listening I realized that this was the exact thing I needed to hear. Continue reading