I come here.

angerWhen I need to get something off of my chest this is where I turn to. It is so healthy for me to get my thoughts out and into the world. Instead of locking them up inside my head.

When I am mad. I literally can’t do anything extremely productive. My brain is cluttered with the thoughts pulsing throughout. I try to distract it with different stimuli so the pain doesn’t set in.

I could go into all the details into why I am feeling the way I do but I think it is always important in what you do in response to your feelings. I don’t believe we can control how we feel but I do believe we can control how we react to those feelings. 

orig_24523Anger for example. In the most extreme it could lead to a crime of passion. Possibly hurting or killing someone. The thing a step down from that is breaking something. Then there is yelling intensely. Raising your voice. And purely drowning in the anger. We control how we react. If it is just passive aggressive comments or full blown outrage.

The emotions can take over how we think about certain things. It can certainly cloud our judgement which is why we must be aware of the power that we give to our thoughts. I have talked myself over the ledge before with my fears and “what if” thoughts. Leading into a full blown anxiety attack. The thoughts and feelings aren’t the problem. It is how I responded. I feed into it.

It was healthy to get all of my emotions out. It is almost like I am addicted to the anxiety attacks. They release so much that would never be released. I hate it and it is extremely scary yet I am almost trying to figure out when the next one will come. As if I am expecting it- waiting for it. This probably sounds so twisted. When my therapist brought up the addiction part I didn’t even question it. I have a very attachment personality. Very obsessive. I have had minor addictions before. TV. Coffee.

floating-leafThey become debilitating rather than what their intended purpose is supposed to be. I didn’t know where this blog post was going when I started. I just began typing. That is all I knew, all I could focus on. The next task in front of me. I am trying so desperately hard to calm down. A part of me feels like I should talk to the people who have caused me this pain. But I have already tried once in a different scenario and I don’t know if it is all entirely them. I could just be projecting other things. Making a big deal about all the little things.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this little ramble post on my thoughts at the moment. I always love to see when someone likes a post because it reminds me that people have resonated with the words I put out into the world. That someone out there in the world heard me. So thank you.

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