But not by the other person but by you. Like you used yourself.
You shared too much. Word vomiting. Afterwards you don’t really know what happened. You have this weird physical reaction in your whole body. It physically takes over but you can’t explain it. You try to remember why you said the things you said. Wishing you had clarified things or left things out.
I have had this feeling so many times when talking to people. It is like what just happened? Why did I bear my soul so much or share my personal ideas or opinions on things. Was it just because I was trying to fill the space and so I just kept saying the first thing that came to my mind?
You feel kind of drained after like you were used. It is so hard to explain. They probably didn’t even know it was happening. They might not have done anything wrong yet you still felt manipulated into sharing so much. You don’t leave feeling like it was a great conversation or like it was an annoying one. You leave thinking what just happened over the past hour and a half?
Why didn’t I talk about this or that instead of mentioning all of the other stuff. You just rambled about stupid topics or almost cried. You weren’t expecting to leave feeling so disconnected and in a haze. It is the type of situation where you don’t want to leave. You just want to sit there forever and keep talking. But once the person finally says they have to go and you step away from being with them you realize what just happened.
I am an INFP so if any other INFP’s feel this way or something similar please tell me. I think it might be the opening up part. I don’t normally talk to this person and it is like I just shared so many emotions with her that I don’t even completely share with others. It was my first time in awhile actually thinking about some hard things and saying them out loud. She could relate and was therefore saying things that would get me to be even more vulnerable.
I then even shared about something I wasn’t even completely planning on sharing with her. Some were emotional personal and others were creative personal. I feel emotionally violated after things like this. It has happened with my parents a few times. When I just share and share. And keep talking and talking. They keep asking questions. And after it feels like someone reached inside of me and took things out. I didn’t want to give those things up but it is like they forced it out of me.
Other times when I share personal things with people it is from a logical perspective. I don’t get emotional. That is the way I like it. But when they start to make me cry or tear up that is when they are messing with my emotions. Again they may not be aware they are doing it but that doesn’t change the sour and used feeling I get afterwards. It wasn’t a terrible time. But it is still not the best feeling in the world. It almost feels like therapy except they aren’t your therapist they are an actual person in your life.
At least in therapy you expect to have someone squeeze raw emotions out of you. But when it is just a normal conversation it is different. And yes I did offer all of this stuff up but it also felt like I had to. I know that with her it is a place of caring but it is still weird. Note also that she is ESFJ and I have also felt this with ISFJ if that makes any difference. I have probably felt it with others too but these are the ones I can think of now. I don’t know if you could go as far as saying it was emotional rape but it almost felt like it.