Cynics are broken-hearted idealists?

largeWow. Okay. Let’s do this.

I have seen the world for what it truly is. All of the darkness and despair. And it hurts.

I looked up if INFP’s hate people because sometimes they anger me beyond any end. Let me explain the current situation.

I have a lot of people telling me that 2016 was a terrible year and they are glad it is over. Ready for 2016. BUT WHY?

Most can’t give a real answer or just brush over exterior events. They either don’t want to share with me why it truly sucked or let things that don’t affect them control them. 

For example, the election. You may not like that Trump is our president but unless something has happened to you personally because of this that actually made an impact- not will but did then why is that the reason?

hjs-fanart-haley-james-scott-16207963-500-220A lot of celebrities died. Did you know them? Why is this the reason 2016 sucked? Yeah I get that it is tragic but is it worth demeaning a whole year terrible? NO. External stuff happens every year. EVERYWHERE. If you look at it that way every second has sucked since Adam and Eve sinned. (If you believe in Jesus).

Now if you tell me that your grandfather died, your dog has health issues, you had to leave home for the first time, start all over and were miserable, make all new friends, make huge decisions you don’t know where right but hope are, your grandmother is now deteriorating, you don’t get along well with your parents, you are loosing friends, you have panic attacks, get in a car crash, multiple flight problems, get your wisdom teeth taken out, and cry a ton. Then yeah 2016 was a bad year for you.

tumblr_inline_n5g3u3txf21qaxfllFunny thing is- that all happened to me. Plus some other stuff I probably forgot. Yet I am NOT saying it was such a terrible year I am happy to be over. It is still a year. You only get it once, even though all of those things happen- crappy things happen every year, some just might be more extreme than the other. I am not glad a year is over, I am sad because there goes another year. You only get so many. So yeah 2017 may be awesome but I am not going to wish for 2016 to be over or brush it aside hoping 2017 is better.

Guess what? It won’t be. At the end of the year you will be saying the exact same thing. Maybe they are the cynic and I’m not? I don’t know it just makes me so angry. Like I had a good year, I graduated high school, I had great moments with my friends, I went to Europe, I started college, I made new friends, and had some good times too. I will miss 2016 but I am excited for what 2017 has to offer. I am BITTERSWEET. Like we should be.

928f372f9c5072f92adfc3d3070309e2Sorry for the long post but now onto fake-ness. This goes with small talk. I got a lesson in small talk today. The three rules are smile, eye contact and questions according to a friend.  Apparently I am brutally honest or don’t sugar coat things. I am opinionated about stuff and therefore will speak my mind. Other people DON’T. They are just so shallow and dishonest. I hate that society has taught me to act this way- I hate people that do. So I guess I don’t hate them but more society and the way they act. There are things people don’t want to hear and aren’t normal to say out loud.

I hate that my bubble gets popped with bad news ruining a perfectly wonderful day. It is like all of a sudden my idealistic dream world is shattered. I was at a baby shower after two great conversations with friends and then I hear my grandmother isn’t doing well. I literally had to leave the conversation and try not to cry until we left. Then it came like the devil all of the emotions overwhelmed me and I couldn’t stop like usual. So much pain and depth was coming out like a volcano. I hated the world in that moment. I despised people who would just drink alcohol and do drugs for fun. Just ruining there life for no reason. I have empathy for people who have been through something tragic and do it as a coping mechanism.

giphy1This blog is a mess because I am a mess tonight. My mind is all over the place. Too many things to say and so little time or room. So I will leave it at here. Thanks for reading and please comment down below. Nothing mean because this was just a rant and my fragile heart can not take that right now. I hope you all have a good night. See I am probably not a cynic at least not most of the time. I don’t know. Goodbye.

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